Recently, I was thinking about my love of proclamations. They’re pretty much ultimatums I make for my life and then never follow through. Well, sometimes I follow through, I guess that’s another proclamation. The never. Does anyone else have a problem with this? It often seems like most people have it all together and just know what to do and have no problem being adults. So, I’m like, I need to get it together. Let’s make a change, self. Then I tell myself things like,
I’m never talking to her again
I’m never talking to him again
No more texting
No more facebook
I’m going to call one of them every day
I’m going to work out every day
I’m never eating sugar again
Those people are crazy
I’m crazy
I’m not dating anyone for 6 months
I’m going to do (fill in random, intense life change here) every day/week/month/second
I’m going to do this better
I’m going to do this perfect
Then after I make said proclamation, the next week/month/day (more often than not, it’s the next day…sigh) I’m doing it again. But not just doing it, I’m doing it full force. I’m all like, well, eff it. If I can’t do said ridiculous thing perfectly, then I might as well do the opposite super intensely. Like, I’m going to smoke 3 PACKS OF CIGARETTES TODAY since I smoked one (I have actually quit smoking for a little over 2 months, yay me), I’m going to call the shit out of this person, I’m going to eat 4 pounds of sugar, I’m going to drink EIGHT cups of coffee!!
So, after I break the whatever, I’m super disappointed in myself and I feel like a failure and a loser and crazy and like I’m never going to do anything right and blah blah blah. It’s kind of no wonder I continue to attract crazy people. Goodness me.
Maybe I will try to say things like, I’m going to try to do this better, once a week, cut down, quit, whatever. And then if I fail I can try again. Because life is more about trying and doing my best. Not doing it perfect. No one can live up to that.
Can you relate?
6 comments
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January 26, 2012 at 3:01 pm
kai technolust
Sounds like you need to set more short term realistic goals. “I’m never…” Goals are hard bc you never know what tomorrow brings. So you need to rationally think out WHY you don’t like a particular thing, how to best deal with it and how to change over time. This will help with sticking to them later. You’ll be able to pull out a list of logical reasons you want to achieve your goal and look at it to remind yourself to keep at it long after the initial emotions that sparked the proclamation have faded. There are 2 forces driving everyone. Emotion and logic. When you want to smoke but don’t bc you know it Is bad, logic wins. When you did the stop smoking thing you made a list of reasons you wanted to quit, at least on your blog I think, right? Do that with everything even if It’s a slip of paper you keep in your purse and pull out when needed.
Being an adult is like like being Vulcan. You have all these emotions but you jave to let logic win. Ok now that I worked a Star Trek reference in I will stop. ;)
January 26, 2012 at 3:05 pm
Windsor Grace
You’re so right! I didn’t necessarily make a list for the smoking this time, on paper, but there were so many things. Maybe writing out an actual list will help me think more logically about things. Then I can actually see what the reasons for the changes are and not just have all of these things floating around in my head.
You have totally lost my with the Star Trek reference. So silly :)
January 26, 2012 at 3:18 pm
kai technolust
Mr. Spock with the pointy ears was a Vulcan… They suppressed all emotions. Or try to. You should watch the new JJ Abrams Star Trek movie it is for everyone, you don’t have to have seen any.of them to enjoy it.
February 1, 2012 at 2:14 pm
Little Big
Oh hell yes. I am forever trying to get my life together. And falling short. But the point is, KEEP GOING, KEEP TRYING.
February 1, 2012 at 2:15 pm
Windsor Grace
I heart you :)
February 2, 2012 at 4:53 pm
mizalix
So this may sound familiar, but I know that I always get myself in trouble with “black and white thinking;” words like always and never are bound to set me up for failure. And often when I make a proclamation about something it’s because I feel like typing it/saying it out loud makes it real, when I’m starting to believe that it’s only real once I take the action. (and this, as you know, is coming from someone that needs to TALK IT OUT about nearly everything.)
I’m also seeing that the shame spiral I create when I try to strong-arm some facet of my character into changing, and then punish myself to extremes in the opposite direction when it doesn’t, does me no favors. So I’m trying to focus on the middle path- hoping and working toward better things, and being kind to myself when I fall short.
(some days are better than others)