When I go on job interviews, I assume that the person at the front desk is judging me.  I am paranoid by nature, so this is completely natural for me.  I also assume that everyone hates me and lets me know through secret signals that only I can read.  I may be a little crazy.  But, enough about me.

When people come in for interviews here, I am definitely judging you.  FYI.  And, I think it’s weird when you ask for a drink.  Seriously.  You don’t know how long this interview is going to last, you will probably have to pee half way through.  No one wants that.  Bring your own water.  I never ask for anything to drink at interviews, even when offered.  Or at hair appointments.  First of all, it could be drugged (just kidding…kind of), secondly, I know it’s just a courtesy.  (Did you know that courtesy is spelled like court?  I just learned that!)

Also, really?!  You need to use the restroom?!!  That is soooo weird.  I think it’s weird, anyway.  I am totally going to tell all of my coworkers that you had to go to the bathroom when you got here.  To my knowledge, none of the pee-ers have been hired.  Just sayin’.

Please don’t talk to me nonstop about asinine things, like the weather or the fact that there are 20 dogs in the lobby.  I am busy watching The Office and knitting!  Can’t you see I am swamped over here?!

Seriously, people.