I was thinking about this while lying awake in the bed at 8:30 on a Saturday.

So, I had the hots for this dude since, like, 6th grade.  Seriously.  He lived in my neighborhood then.  And almost all the way through high school (which isn’t one word…it should be).  I found out in 11th grade that he liked me too.  After 5 years of pining.  And I did nothing about it.  Nothing.  Because I was busy.  Being a a complete hellian wonderful student.  Years passed.  He moved away for an awesome job.  He’s one of those people that the world seems to bend over for and it makes you want to kill him except that you have been pining for him for 13 years.  That is a very long time, especially when you are in your early 20’s.  Anyway, he was visiting for Christmas (see how I did that?  I included the season…that is what good writing is all about) and I Facebooked him and was all like, “We should hang out!”  And he said, “Ok.”   (I’m getting to a point, I know this is lame so far)  We hang out.  And hook up.  I’m ecstatic.  Finally, after 13 years, my dreams are coming together.  I knew he liked me.  He must’ve been pining for me too!  We hang out again.

Here is the tricky part, where honesty is the worst thing possible.  I proceeded to tell him I had been pining since the young age of 11.  He seemed unphased and flattered.  We agreed to see if we could make it work over the distance.  Again, I am ecstatic.

First, the distance communication went well.  And then I started being honest about how I felt.  Which, in a crazy world would be good.  But boys want you to lie to them and be really coy and uninterested.  Apparently, that makes them more interested…if they have to work for you.  This is a crazy world.  13 years, people. I had been holding it in for over a decade.  Do you know how hard that is for a middle schooler and high schooler?  I am lucky I didn’t just explode.

And, I quit seeing the other 2 dudes I was seeing at the time.  I sacrificed.  No more free meals from people I told we had no future and they continued to date me anyway.  ‘sigh’  Needless to say, it didn’t work out.  Because people want you to lie.  Because you shouldn’t send texts that say things like, “I really want to make this work”  and, when you haven’t heard from him in 5 days, “Are you alive?”  Because you are freaking out because your heart is going to break if this dude rejects you because it’s been 13 years!

It’s like when my mom asks me something she wishes I have done, like not have a cluttery house, and I just lie and say that I could eat off the floor because that makes her happy and she would just get mad if I said I have clothes all over the floor in my room.  And it’s non of her business anyway.  It’s like that.  But more intense.  Learn from me…lie.  It’s frowned upon, but I hear lies make the world go ’round.  Which is sad.