You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2010.

After posting the cute pictures of little me in the last post, I started thinking about what I was like as a child.  I was really shy.  And pretty quiet.  And I read, all the time.  Like, I read so much that I got in trouble at school for reading during the lessons.  My teachers were always saying, “Windsor, I’m glad you’re reading, but please put the book down during math.” And then when I got home, my mom would say, “Windsor, I’m glad you’re reading, but please put the book down during dinner.”  I loved going to my grandparents house because my grandmother took me and my brother to the best bookstore ever and let us get a book and we were allowed to read through dinner.  Although my brother chose not to do so.

I was also weird.  And really creative.  I wrote stories and painted and drew.  I sat and drew for hours and hours.  A pile of paper and a box full of markers were my dream.  And, like I was saying, I was weird and quiet.  So, sitting alone was fine with me.

Oh yeah, and I can sing.  I had dreamed of singing in front of people for a long time.  In 5th grade, I was in chorus and there was an oppurtunity to try out for a solo in front of the whole school.  My parents found out I could sing because they heard me practicing in the shower.  They were amazed…because, you know I was so quiet.  They were even more amazed I was trying out for the solo.  Guess what?  I got it!

As a weird and quiet kid, I grew into an angry, sarcastic and crass teen.  With a major attitude…

Anyway, I have a point to all of this.  People think I am funny.  I think I’m pretty funny.  It’s so weird!  Because, when I was a kid and a teen, I was not funny at all.  If I wasn’t cussing at you as a teen, we were doing well.  When I look at my twitter lists and I see my name on lists like “hilarity” or “so funny” I’m like, “Crazy!” I never would’ve thought I of all people would grow up and be pretty funny.  And when people tell me my blog is hilarious and “I laughed out loud” it’s so awesome!

So, this isn’t supposed to be like, “My Childhood” or “OMG, I am like so awesome” but more, thank you to everyone who laughs at what I write and say and thinks I am funny.  And thank you to those of you who email or comment and tell me you laughed.  It makes me feel so good and so surprised.

You guys rock!

You guys, I was a ridiculously adorable kid.  Like, really cute.  Last year, I scanned every baby and childhood picture of my brother, cousin and myself into my computer to make a photo book as a gift to my grandparents for Christmas.  So, now, I have hundreds of pictures of the three of us available at all times.  Seriously, there are hundreds. (I like to share particularly embarrassing ones of my brother on Facebook when I am feeling saucy.  Just to keep him in line.)

While I was drifting off to sleep (usually when I get my best blogging ideas) I thought of the following picture.  Since you were probably not quite as adorable as me when you were a kid, you will appreciate this.  But, we can make it into a game.  Which kid is me?

Think about this.  Already, you know I am the cutest one of all, but there is something else that differentiates me from the rest.

Ready?

I hope you guessed right…

Notice how I look like I have been in a struggle.  They put the halo on my and I ripped it off.  Then they tried again, because, what kind of three-year-old doesn’t want to wear a halo?  Me, that’s who.  So, I ripped it off again.  And then, I told the lady that I already am a precious little angel and I don’t need a halo (my mom often called me her precious angel).  Even as a child, I was an asshole.  I started young.

Oh, and in case you thought that the halo debacle was a one time occurence:

As you all know, I knit.  A lot.  And people are always asking me to knit them things.  Because, I want to sit around and spend hundreds of hours making people things for free.  Yeah.

My friend, Al, asked me to make her some fingerless gloves and I agreed.  And, she offered to pay me (not a hard concept people).  I was like, ok.  I will charge you $20, plus you have to buy the yarn.  She agreed.  I thought, “Hell, I’m going to be knitting anyway, might as well make 20 bucks while I’m doing it.”  So. Wrong.

First of all, she chose this really intense, nice Noro. (Click the link if you don’t know about Noro to see it) This yarn is delicate, but pretty and I was excited to knit with it.  On size 3 needles.  For $20, total.  I’m insane.

So, I knit the gloves.  When I got to the thumbs, the pattern, which is in German and won’t be linked to here, there was no explanation of thumb making.  I hate it when patterns leave out stuff like that.  If there are thumbs in the pic, put the thumbs in the pattern, come on!

I winged it.  And, it looked really crappy.  Like, really crappy.  But, I did the best I could.  And I started on the next one.  And completed it.  Yay me!  Wait, not so fast! 

Oh no!  You guys, I knitted the thumbs on the same side!  Grr.  I had to pull the entire pattern out (the cabling part that took forever) to make sure it looked right when I re-knitted.  Ah!!  So frustrating.  (One time, I was making this jacket and I was very excited to have it finished and I went to sew it up and I had made the left sleeve twice! You would assume that doing this once would make me more careful.  No.)

Saturday, I decided to get to work on finish these crazy things.  I had put off for, like, a month (maybe more, sorry, Al!).  At 4pm, with plans to hand over my work at 9, I began frogging (for those non-knitters, this means pulling out your hard work. Worst. Knitting. Ever.).  I didn’t finish until 10!!  I went 6 hours straight working on those damn gloves.  With a few bathroom breaks.  I must say, they look fantastic.  Also, I never want to see them again.

Good news, while I was doing all of this very focused knitting, I was able to finish watching Harper’s Island.

So, I learned that I will never, ever knit anything for anyone for $20 again.  Especially if it involves knitting in the round and teeny yarn.

Al, you got a deal.  Enjoy these gloves, mi’lady.

I got to spend the weekend with Chico’s brother, Scooter, the dog from hell.  The world’s worst dog world’s 2nd worst dog.  This is the first worst, notice the crazy eyes:

He's crazy. The one in the cheerleader outfit is really sweet.

So, yeah, Scooter gets dropped off and I’m, like, “This is going to suck.”  He bites, he pees every time someone touches him, this is when he allows himself to be touched, he refuses to gooutside…did I mention he bites?  He has little pointy knives for teeth.  And, the

Bella and Lucy

person I have plans with won’t answer the phone.  I actually had to call her because she wouldn’t respond to texts.

I called my friend, Emily, who has two very cute Chihuahuas and Chico likes them and they all tolerate play together.  Shockingly, she agreed to allow Scooter into her house.

Dude, he behaved!!  And, he even allowed Bella and Lucy (Emily’s pups) to sniff him.  It was glorious!  Then, Bella and Lucy got into a fight, with teeth!  It was awesome.  Only because, Scooter wasn’t being the worst dog in the room.  And he didn’t start the fight. (At the

He's always watching...and he bites.

dog park, the big dogs are obsessed with him and he cowers and tries to attack everyone and acts like Cujo and I feel like the parent with the kid who throws dirt and eats worms.)

Then we went home and he behaved some more.  He behaved almost all weekend, except when he tried to bite Roomie and then tried to bite me a bunch of times.  So, yeah.  Maybe he has moved to the 3rd or 4th worst dog ever.

Tonight I had the pleasure of meeting and hanging out with fellow social media, blogging and twitter enthusiasts.  It was awesome!  I would like to thank our host, Stephanie, founder of ATL Chicks.  She rocks!

I am proud of myself for going.  It was waaaaay out of my comfort zone to drive 20 miles to hang out with a bunch of strangers.  And sit in rain traffic.  And go home and change into “professional” clothes really quickly so people would take me seriously.  (I have gotten carded for cigarettes a lot recently, with cashiers laughing in my face and saying ‘yeah right’…I need to look a little older)

I usually don’t put myself in uncomfortable situations, but I walked in, said hi to Stephanie (who I have briefly met once) and introduced myself to others (I’m not even going to pretend that I didn’t have help in that area.  I was introduced to people). I made some great connections and got to talk to some awesome new girls.

I was kind of cool because some of the girls were like, “You’re that girl who knits…right?  I heard about you, knitting during WordCamp and I thought, who knits during WordCamp and I totally thought that person was lying.”  No, here I am world.  I knit all over the place.  Hence the name, Knit in Public.  I am addicted to knitting and proud of it.  And, being recognized as “that girl who knits” (which probably happens way more than you would think; it happens more often than I could’ve ever imagined) is pretty fun.

I did feel a little overwhelmed and a little shitty about myself.  Being surrounded by successful women who are doing what I want to be doing was intimidating.  Especially in my state of “going to college was a waste of my time” attitude.  Even though I have been a little down on myself lately, hanging out with these women and hearing their stories really gives me hope that I will be able to achieve my dreams and get where I want to go.  I just have to keep working hard and hanging in there….hanging in there….I can do it.

Hanging in there is rough.  Just sayin’.

Tonight was a lot of fun and a great growth experience for me.  I really have a hard time being engaging and outgoing around strangers.  I forget to ask people questions back.  Like, when they ask, “Where are you from? What do you do?  Why the hell are you knitting?”  I have to force myself to remember to ask things back, such as, “I’m well, how are you?.”  I think that there must be something wrong with me.  Or, maybe I’m just really selfish.  But, I smiled and forced myself to speak and ask questions and now they aren’t strangers anymore.  And, I feel like this blog post has turned into an episode of Gilmore Girls.  So, yeah.  I’m hanging.  Over here.

Was there really ever cocaine is Coke? I have heard that there was.  Now that I think about it, I’ve never heard anyone else say it isn’t true.  Because, you know people are so reliable.

I referenced my good friend, Snopes (I send my mom there every time she emails me).  There really was cocaine is COKE!!  But, there was just a little bit.  Maybe for extra kick.  Apparently there were just leaves in it, 1/400 of a grain.  I have no idea how much that is.  I don’t think I will publish this.  It seemed like an interesting idea while I was googling it, but now that it is written out, there is no mystery and I’m done.

UPDATE:  So, as you can see, I can decided to publish this.  Why?  Well, I have nothing nice to say now and a dark cloud is fogging up my brain.  I had some friends form a friend coup against me; equal to the friend coups of 7th grade when you got kicked out of the clique.  I don’t know why this has my panties in such a wad.  ‘sigh’

My Twitter friend, Bridget, is guest posting today!! She is my first guest blogger ever and I am very excited to have her.  I asked her to talk about what’s after the universe.  What I meant was, what’s after space, like when astronomers are studying space, there is an end to the stars and planets and stuff.  And then I realized that is really ambiguous and maybe I took too many astronomy classes in college and think too much.  I really like Bridget’s take on my question, which is totally different than I thought.  Makes this much better.  Thanks, Bridget!

Just so you know, I am an expert about the End of the World. Not sure how
it happened, but it’s now an indisputable fact that I am absolutely the
only person you should listen to about what’s going to happen in our dark
and distant future. It’s kind of like a gift, only scarier.

That’s right, I said distant. Don’t go thinking there’s some easy credit
fix coming your way. The End of the World isn’t going to happen for 100,
200, maybe 50 years. The exact timing is hard to predict though. I don’t
look like Rasputin, do I? I mean, maybe in the right light. It’s that steel
glint of meanness. It sparkles in the sunlight right before it Burns Your
Soul Out.

Specifically, today Ms. Grace wanted me to talk to you about an exciting
opportunity; what happens AFTER the End of the World.  Listen up people,
don’t let this gem pass you by.

Right. So, after the plagues have ripped through our genetic pool, the
oceans have covered the Sinful Shores, the tallest monuments in the world
have been laid waste by the deadliest weapons, and Atlanta has burned and
burned and burned until the famous Southern Sun is only a dimly lit circle
in the black smoke sky. Feral pigs have taken over the scrublands. Gigantic
Carp terrorize the inland oceans. The End of the World is a common
misnomer. It is, in fact, only the end of OUR world. It’s the charred
beginning of another. A brutal primeval place, where life violently pushes
to survive and no organic creature would think twice about ripping your
throat out and using your abdomen for warmth.

Where is your place in this fricasseed wasteland? Well, I mean, not to be
rude, but you’re probably dead. Did you even have a plan? Or were you one
of those suckers praying in the basement of a school somewhere, counting on
the National Guard to bail you out when even the top tiers of government
were fleeing the hinterland. Whatever. Maybe you had a plan. Maybe you
should make one right now. Don’t be a sucker. I guarantee you Glenn Beck
has one, and we can’t let him father the new population, can we?

My plan is that I live in Cleveland. Where the world has already ended, but
we still have a huge reservoir of fresh water and we’re so immunized to
modern chemicals that secretly our skin glows green if we get too angry.
True story.

But Ends of Worlds happen over and over again, so my second plan is to hole
up in the giant salt mines underneath Lake Erie. People think I’m just
frequenting dive bars in western Ohio for the fun of it, and yes I do like
1.00 jello shots, but I’m actually cultivating a network of rough riding
miners who will be my mercenary pack when the shit goes down. They all have
secret names, so I can communicate with them through Craigslist. PolishBear
is my head strategic chief. He has this amazing idea for accumulating all
the abandoned hot dog carts and using them as hydroponic gardens. Then
there is LonelyInLima, who is designing a fabric which will not only suck
up excess radiation, but then temper it to provided Vitamin D to the
wearer. Also a nice tan.

Think about it. An entire community, safe hundreds of feet under the water,
secreted away from marauders, radiation, and disease. And when the world
starts to recover, salt will be a valuable resource to trade goods for.
We’ll be totally rich. Our children will be beautiful. When the deadly
gases finally integrate themselves back into the ecosystem, we’ll already
have a head start as a beacon of the new civilization.

Don’t let those other End of the World plans make a dead zombie sucker out
of you. I don’t care how deep your mine shaft in Nevada is. It’s Nevada.
Why would anyone want to start a new city in the desert? With my community,
you’ll emerge from the Salt Mines into a verdant Eden of farmland and
groundwater reservoirs and wild dairy cows.

Applications are being accepted now and can be emailed by request. Please
include an essay detailing your religious and political upbringing and
views, a recent physical with blood work, and 10,000 by money order for
consideration. Cash will not be accepted. I do not discriminate against
felons; however I will only be considering useful felonies, like murder and
grand larceny. Entertainers need not apply; unfortunately we’re all booked
up on useless attractive people. Kanye, don’t worry, I saved you a bunk
next to mine.

Bridget Callahan
http://www.bridgetcallahan.com

Really, Kanye?  Aren’t you worried he will have his own plan and will constantly be trying to compete with yours and be all like, my secret civilization is so much better than yours?  Too much, I know, the Kanye jokes are old.  Sorry.  Man, I’m going to die.  I’m not a convicted felon or an entertainer. ‘Sigh’

I haven’t meant to wrap up the weekends, because I do a lot of napping and sitting around on my 2 free days, because I can.  But, the last several weekends have been rather exciting, so here is another one.

The NOT YOU show went well.  It was super fun and exciting to see my art on the wall next to other artists’ works.  I saw some friends and many new faces.  Thank you to Travis for putting the whole thing together!  I have stolen some pictures from him because when I was there, there were tons of people in the way.  So, I have put up photos of the festivities, enjoy!

And then we were off!

UPDATE:  I made this whole slide show on and uploaded it on Vimeo, which I have never used before.  It won’t embed, so if you want to see pics of the show, go here.  I’m working on it.

So, there is a really cool and fun thing to do this weekend. The Not You show at Mint Gallery.  I am going to have a painting in the show and I am very excited!!  You guys should come out.  Here is a link to the website.  I will be there off and on and would love to meet some of you!

Also, I want to send you off to a wonderful weekend with this fun Coke Happiness Machine video.  Just watch it, it will make you smile!

Courtesy of Definition 6

Have a great weekend!

And, this is how I feel today. Channeling the Serenity Prayer.

I am having one of those days where I feel like all of the money and time I put into college was a huge waste of time.  Endless hours trying to be the perfect student and have the perfect paper and the best project mean nothing.  Having to have A’s (I ended up having a nervous breakdown due to stress and had to drop every class for a semester) so I could get into the best graduate school so I could get into the best PhD program were a needless burden on my physical and mental health.  I got into the graduate school and realized it wasn’t what I wanted.

Right now, I’m not using any of the skills from college and the things I am going to be learning to move up are not things college teach.

Thank you for reading my rant.  Just having a moment of the “poor me’s.”  I hearts you guys.

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