My mom told me last night that life is dealing with one crisis after the next.  Once one ends, you begin preparing for the next.  I completely disagree with this.  If all I am doing is jumping from one bad event to the next, what is the point?

I am dealing with a personal crisis right now.  And it’s okay.  It’s not the end of the world.  I have lived my whole life living preparing myself for the next horrible thing and I’m really over it.  Even though I’m having a really hard  time and things aren’t the way I want them to be, I will be fine.  This is an awesome realization for me.  I don’t know if I’ve ever been so “okay” before.  My mom keeps calling me and giving me her “words of wisdom” because she’s so worried I am going to freak out and do something drastic.  I have reassured her I’ve changed.  “I’m really fine, Mom.  Just sad, ” I keep telling her.  “I wish things were different, but they just aren’t.”  I hate change and I hate not getting my way and right now one chapter of my life is over and another one is beginning.  While I am very sad to see the last chapter go (you could say devastated), it’s exciting to prepare for the new chapter.  I want to force myself to get out and do things I’ve always been afraid to do.  Or that I didn’t have time for (most of the time means I have been afraid).

This week I am going to a knitting meet up I have been meaning to get around to for three years.  I have been on their mailing list for three years.   This means they have sent me an email once of twice a week all this time and I have never bothered to show up.  I’ve always been too afraid to put myself out there and meet new people.  Even though they are all fellow knitters, who have a strong bond just because of our craft.  It’s kind of like in high school when you found out someone who’d been in classes with you for years also smoked pot and you were all like, We could’ve been hanging out all this time!  So, yes, I’m nervous, but really excited.

This new chapter will be scary, but I’m done preparing myself for the worst and riding from one crisis to the next.  Life is worth living and I am ready to live it.

(I’m not yet ready to publicly tell what this crisis is, but if you want to know, please email me.  My email is on the Contact Moi page.)

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