I like to ghost hunt.  Which pretty much means I like to go to “haunted places” or walk around weird graveyards in the middle of the woods late at night and get scared by the rustling of squirrels running through the leaves.  Sometimes we bring Ouija boards (which, you can no longer buy in stores for some reason!!  What?! We have to make our own).  Almost every time I have done this, I am the instigator and I have strict rules about scaring people in our posse, namely because I don’t want people jumping out from behind trees or graves at me.  I’m super scared of the dark.  Like, not kidding at all, it freaks me out.  This doesn’t match with wanting to go ghost hunting at all.  I am aware of this conundrum.

I have rules though.  You can’t take anyone with you who takes ghost hunting extremely seriously.  If you so much as think of EVP’s, you’re out.  Or mentioning that you’re bringing your camera to do that weird flashy thing that shows orbs (dust specs) on your screen.  And you can’t be too unserious about it either.  My major personal rule is that I won’t do anything inside.  No haunted houses or anything.  Only haunted fields and stuff.

First, it’s really dark in there and there are more places to hide.  Most of all, the dark.  Creepy.  Secondly, one time I did it and some crazy man tried to bash my head in.

That’s right.  A crazy man.  When I was 17, I was on a first date and he was all like, “We’ve finished dinner, instead of taking you to the movies to make-out like a normal guy, I want to take you to this abandoned mental institution that’s haunted!”  And, I really liked this guy, so I said, “Great!”

When we got there, we didn’t have to break in because the door was open and the guy was all like, “This is weird, it’s always locked.”  And I was thinking, you’re freaking crazy and I can’t believe you’ve been here before.  It was pitch black dark in there.  Dumbass that I was with didn’t have a flashlight, either.  You can imagine my excitement knowing that we would be walking the halls of a supposedly haunted mental hospital in complete darkness.  Elation.

Once inside, we heard someone scream.  Dude screams back and I was about to piss myself.  You don’t scream back at unknown screamers.  In the dark.  Duh.  Am I the only person who knows this?  We hear running and we can’t see where it’s coming from because we have no flashlight so we just run (quietly) and hide in one of the hundreds of hospital rooms lining the halls.

Then, the unknown runner starts banging what sounded like a metal pole against the wall.  I could hear him getting closer and closer and I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest.  I just knew that I was about to get my head bashed in and no one would find my body.

After what felt like forever, we ran to safety and I have never gone into another dark, dilapidated place at night again.  And later, the police would stand outside of that hospital to keep out high school students because they used to find dead prostitutes in there all the time.  True story.