When I get ready for work in the morning, I watch the Today Show.  It’s like a huge tradition in my family, if it’s morning and the Today Show isn’t on something isn’t right.

Everyday since a recent suicide tragedy, I’ve listened to Matt, Meredith, Al and Anne go on and on about the bullying that supposedly caused Phoebe Prince to hang herself in March.  I wondered to myself, is it really that bad?  Kids seem to be committing suicide left and right and/or killing others in the name of bullying.  This is a weird subject to start my day with and up until the Prince story, I have felt that bullying has always been around and always will be and that people are overreacting.  (Not really overreacting, but just publicizing it too much)  Where were the teachers and parents freaking out when I was in middle school?

And this got me thinking about my own life.  I was bullied by a couple of girls pretty mercilessly when I was in middle school.  They told everyone I was a slut and then that I was a lesbian (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and I was so afraid of them.  At certain points, they had me doing their bidding because I was so scared of what they would do to me or tell other people about me.  And the whole thing with Phoebe Prince helped me remember how suicidal I was in seventh grade when all of this was going on.  I had forgotten.  I thought about killing myself all the time and how I would do it and I planned on writing a note to the girls and telling them it was their fault, that they had led me to kill myself.  I wanted to hurt those girls like they were hurting me and in my immature seventh grade mind, the only way I thought I could get them was by killing myself and writing a note blaming them.  I used to write suicide notes to them all day in my head.  I hated myself and I hated my life and I just wanted to die because I didn’t see the bigger picture of growing up and getting away from them.

So, Phoebe Prince’s tragedy is really hitting home.  It could’ve been me.  I was just lucky enough to snap out of it (a lot of it was because I thought I would go to hell if I committed suicide).  Can you relate with her?  What do you think about all the publicity bullying is getting?

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