Oh, what is that, you ask?

Nothing.  Just my open oven.

Why is your oven open?

My heat isn’t working…Yeah, it’s not working and it’s November.  It’s cold enough outside where it’s colder in the house than it is outside during the day.  And, you know, I work at home.  It’s pretty miserable.  Oh, yeah.  When I called Malibu Ken and told him about it, he said he knew.  That’s right.  He has known it was broken.  He just didn’t do anything about it.

Your oven…what does this have to do with the oven?

Oh, sorry.  The HVAC guy can’t come until Thursday and, did I mention it’s cold outside?  Anyway, according to him, opening the oven is the “most efficient,” “fastest,” space heater you can use.  But don’t sleep with it on.  And don’t even think about cooking anything.

Well, what’s that?

Oh, geez.  That’s my house’s old fridge.  On my porch.

…I hate to ask.  Malibu Ken?

How did you know?  The fridge broke about a month or so ago.  I called.  Malibu (we’re on a first name basis now) came, while I wasn’t home mind you, and did some kind of duct tape fix.  Needless to say, it broke approximately two days later.  But the freezer broke, as well.  Ruined all of our food.  That’s monies I don’t have, yo.  I texted (his preferred method of contact) Malibu several times with no responses, so a friend of mine helped me out and found a new to me fridge and helped me install it.  Now the old one is sitting on the porch waiting for Malibu to take it away.  I have my doubts it will go anywhere.

Goodness!  So, this old fridge is just sitting on your porch, your most favorite place in the whole world, making it junky and gross?

That’s right.  I called to let him know I replaced it and he wrote back and thanked me.  Over text.  And that he wouldn’t be able to come that day.  We’ll see how long it takes.  Best.  Landlord.  Ever.