In case you aren’t paying attention to anything, the royal wedding is coming up on Friday.  Prince William is finally getting married to that girl he’s been shacking up with for the past 5 (4?) years.  And, much to my mother’s dismay, Kate isn’t having to go through the 6 months of tests to prove her virginity like Diana did. (I’m all like, “They’ve been living together, she’s obviously not a virgin,” to which my mom replies with an eye roll)

Anyways, there are a barrage of amazing products commemorating this special day.  Here are a few of the best:

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Nothing says, “Welcome to my home” like plates with strangers’ faces.  And their wedding date.  Actually, if you see this in someones’s house, they probably also have lamps made of skin, Ted Bundy style.

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Seriously?  These are SO creepy.  Like, I wouldn’t be able to sleep in the same room with them.  ‘shudder’

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These are a little weird when it’s your own kids (or me and my brother on my mom’s fridge) but I get the whole framing the family thing.  This is just a red flag that the person who has it must have some kind of mental disorder (I have mental disorders, so it’s all good) (no, I don’t have the magnet).  It’s a magnet by the way.

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Have they actually sold any of these?  I can’t find any data on the first search page of google.  If you know something, tell me!  I must know if people actually have this in their homes.

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I hear the glass doll eyes follow you around the room.

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Now when you’re getting it on with your special someone, you’ll be reminded of the royal couple right before the big moment.  This may be a good or bad thing for you, either way, condoms?  I guess people no longer have taste.

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For the small price of $19.99, you can own a cheap and complete rip off of a priceless heirloom.  Yay capitalism!

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The weirdest thing about these is you know it’s not mostly little girls playing with these.

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I feel bad hating this because I know this commission made some sculptor’s year and they are lovely, although Kate looks like this woman I used to work with, but candle extinguishers?!  Really?  This product is just shocking.  Ok, the paper dolls, I can see that, the condoms…okay…but this?

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Now you & your family and friends can take your pills in style while remembering those royal we hold so close.

Stay tuned for part 2!  Will and Kate take over Etsy!

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