You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October 2011.

Hullo all!  I hope you had a lovely week and are going into a lovely weekend.  I have a lot of homework and library time (part of the assignment is to go to the actual library and check out actual books!) coming up.  And a little scheduled fun.

This is hilarious.

Might be my next knitting project (if I ever finish my current one).

This infographic rocks my face off!

 

Beautiful!!

Have a great weekend!  It’s October, so it’s hard to be in a bad mood :)

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Since I was about 7, I have been an asshole.  Maybe since before that.  Then, when I was a teenager, it just got worse.  Because, when you’re about 13 or 14, you just can’t help but be one.

It has been brought to my attention lately that I’m not very approachable.  Which, made me sad, but I realize some of the things I’m doing that may be interpreted as unapproachable, and I’m working on it.  Change is hard, ya’ll.

I’m pretty sure part of the reason I’m unapproachable is because I have a wall of bitchiness up.  I don’t mean to be bitchy, it’s just there.  Things just come out of my mouth.  Those things I hear myself say and while I’m saying them, I’m trying to pull them back in.   Then it’s out there and gauging someone’s reaction…it’s just a big mess.

I’m better now than I was in the past about watching what I say, but still.  Stuff just comes out.  Sigh.  Like, this one time (5 years ago), I was waiting tables and this girl from high school was at one of my tables.  And she asked me if I was me and if I went to so and so high school and I said yes and told her she looked great and “Didn’t you used to be fatter?”  …Seriously self?  Could I have worded that any worse?  She didn’t take kindly to it and ended up getting free dessert (ironic she asked for that, right?).

Anyway, my goal every day this week is to not be an asshole.  To lay my head on my pillow and be proud of the person I was throughout the day.  To not owe any apologies for things I said or did.  If something does happen and I say the wrong thing, apologize immediately.  And you know what?  I’m having an excellent week.

School is back in session!  As much as I enjoyed laying in my bed watching Modern Family (OMG! seriously, the best show ever) and Game of Thrones, it’s nice to have a purpose to my days again.  I did make many, many, many bear ears which will soon be available.

The past few days, I’ve been embracing the town my parents’ house is in.  Instead of driving into the city every day, I’m staying out here on my days off.  It’s finally hit me that I’m out here to stay (at least for a while) and I need to make friends.  So, I’m working on making some.  It’s exciting.  I’ve reconnected with old friends and have met some new, wonderful ladies.

I wonder if every one else at school is having as much fear and trepidation as I am.  As I mentioned before, I have a hard time staying in the moment.  I have this little voice in my head telling me I’m going to be a failure and that is horrifying!!  Because once that little voice gets hold, my mind goes to, What if you’re not supposed to be at this school?  What if you’re not good enough?  What if you’re never good enough?  You’ll never get a job and you’ll be in so much debt!  You’re going to be a failure! You’re never going to have a career!  You’re going to die alone and feral cats will eat your body!  and on and on and on…

Huff…I feel a little stressed just writing it out, but a little better putting it out there.  It doesn’t have as much power once I see it.  It’s almost laughable.  I need to write those things on toilet paper (like I said I was) and flush them.

Ok.  Today is going to be a great day.  And I’m going to do my best, and that’s all I can do, right?

Atticus Finch, my mom’s maltipoo, has been having some health issues lately.  He’s always had attitude issues, but this was different.  He was peeing lakes (they were lakes to have come out of an 8 lb dog), unable to hold his urine, going blind, having trouble climbing the stairs and just more ornery than usual.  And more bitey (he’s an especially bitey dog).  We feared the worst.

My mom took him to the vet yesterday and found out that he had kidney failure and the most humane thing to do was put him to sleep.  So, she made the difficult decision.  She cried and love on him and turned him over to the vet.  Did I mention her birthday was yesterday?  What a birthday gift.

So, we’ve been in mourning for the last day.  It’s sad to not have his little face angrily biting our feet and shoes.  It’s weird to not have him lying by his bowls and making weird noises all day (he felt his life duty was to maintain certain water and food levels).  It’s just sad.

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