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Since I was about 7, I have been an asshole.  Maybe since before that.  Then, when I was a teenager, it just got worse.  Because, when you’re about 13 or 14, you just can’t help but be one.

It has been brought to my attention lately that I’m not very approachable.  Which, made me sad, but I realize some of the things I’m doing that may be interpreted as unapproachable, and I’m working on it.  Change is hard, ya’ll.

I’m pretty sure part of the reason I’m unapproachable is because I have a wall of bitchiness up.  I don’t mean to be bitchy, it’s just there.  Things just come out of my mouth.  Those things I hear myself say and while I’m saying them, I’m trying to pull them back in.   Then it’s out there and gauging someone’s reaction…it’s just a big mess.

I’m better now than I was in the past about watching what I say, but still.  Stuff just comes out.  Sigh.  Like, this one time (5 years ago), I was waiting tables and this girl from high school was at one of my tables.  And she asked me if I was me and if I went to so and so high school and I said yes and told her she looked great and “Didn’t you used to be fatter?”  …Seriously self?  Could I have worded that any worse?  She didn’t take kindly to it and ended up getting free dessert (ironic she asked for that, right?).

Anyway, my goal every day this week is to not be an asshole.  To lay my head on my pillow and be proud of the person I was throughout the day.  To not owe any apologies for things I said or did.  If something does happen and I say the wrong thing, apologize immediately.  And you know what?  I’m having an excellent week.

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