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Recently, I was thinking about my love of proclamations. They’re pretty much ultimatums I make for my life and then never follow through. Well, sometimes I follow through, I guess that’s another proclamation. The never. Does anyone else have a problem with this? It often seems like most people have it all together and just know what to do and have no problem being adults. So, I’m like, I need to get it together. Let’s make a change, self. Then I tell myself things like,

I’m never talking to her again

I’m never talking to him again

I’m never smoking again

No more texting

No more facebook

I’m going to call one of them every day

I’m going to work out every day

I’m never eating sugar again

Those people are crazy

I’m crazy

I’m not dating anyone for 6 months

I’m going to do (fill in random, intense life change here) every day/week/month/second

I’m going to do this better

I’m going to do this perfect

Then after I make said proclamation, the next week/month/day (more often than not, it’s the next day…sigh) I’m doing it again. But not just doing it, I’m doing it full force. I’m all like, well, eff it. If I can’t do said ridiculous thing perfectly, then I might as well do the opposite super intensely. Like, I’m going to smoke 3 PACKS OF CIGARETTES TODAY since I smoked one (I have actually quit smoking for a little over 2 months, yay me), I’m going to call the shit out of this person, I’m going to eat 4 pounds of sugar, I’m going to drink EIGHT cups of coffee!!

So, after I break the whatever, I’m super disappointed in myself and I feel like a failure and a loser and crazy and like I’m never going to do anything right and blah blah blah. It’s kind of no wonder I continue to attract crazy people. Goodness me.

Maybe I will try to say things like, I’m going to try to do this better, once a week, cut down, quit, whatever. And then if I fail I can try again. Because life is more about trying and doing my best. Not doing it perfect. No one can live up to that.

Can you relate?

It’s been raining here for what feels like forever (it’s been 8 days or so). We Atlantans were getting a little depressed. And by we, I mean me and some of my school and Twitter friends. We’ve been depressed and complaining about it to each other.

We’re over it!

And since I can’t seem to get to bed before 3 am (damn you youtube!) I usually look at how the sun is shining into my room to see what time it is when I open my eyes in the morning. Before 9, sleep on, after 9, get up because I assume my mom thinks I’m lazy for lying in bed for so long because she doesn’t know I stay up all night watching weird videos online. My point is, the rain has made this impossible. Especially when it’s really dark and horrible outside all day. And thundery. Boo.

As you may know, no one in Atlanta can drive. And the rain makes it worse. Imagine everyone going over 80, no blinkers, merging without looking and self-righteous driving with a thunder storm. Nightmare.

Today, my friends, the sun is shining. When I woke up, the sun was out and I thought it was after 10am, so I jumped up, but it was only 8:45. Maybe I’m not as good at sun time telling as I thought. Maybe I’m just out of practice. Today’s going to be lovely. A little vitamin D goes a long way. (Not to mention today is our only oasis from the rain. It’s storms for the rest of the week)

{picture source}

In the spirit of the year of positivity, last week I decided to make a conscious effort not to talk about myself. Because I talk about myself constantly a good bit. I don’t mean to, it just happens. Like, someone will tell me a story about something in his/her life and I feel like I need to relate to that by telling a story that may or may not be a similar experience in my life (I think it’s relevant). And it’s like word vomit and I just can’t stop talking about myself and it’s really ridiculous and then I go home and I’m all like, “WHY DID I SAY THAT?!!”  And I freak out about it for days, analyzing everyone’s reaction and if I need to apologize and it’s miserable.

So, I tried not to talk about myself for a few days and it was REALLY hard. And I wasn’t very successful, but I was a little successful, so that counts for something. I feel a little better about myself.

{source}

I don’t know about you, but I’m totally addicted to my phone. I’m constantly checking Twitter and Facebook and commenting away on every single little thing that’s going on. Like this:

Who cares that I’m ordering school books, I’ll tell you. Me. And that’s it. Because they’re expensive.

So, I decided to unplug for TWO WHOLE DAYS. No phone (because texting is out of control and it’s making my life unmanageable. FAY), no Facebook and no Twitter. I had to use my computer to complete school assignments so I couldn’t completely unplug everything. But, while on the computer, I disabled my messenger so I couldn’t get distracted by it.

I gave the people I talk to regularly the phone number for the land line and encouraged them to contact me by calling if they needed anything. Shockingly, my one friend who texts me about 100 times a day (seriously, I’m not exaggerating) didn’t call at all. I guess those messages just aren’t that important.

The weird thing is that I kept thinking of random things I needed to tweet, like “These crackers taste weird” “Chico is being bossy” “It’s freezing in here.” Stupid.

Something amazing happened. I realized I can live without my phone! OMG. I didn’t know I could. No texting, facebook, twitter, whatever and I survived. (And I didn’t get in a horrible car accident where I wasn’t able to call 911. It’s a fear of mine.) I lived even though I couldn’t constantly connect with everyone I know.

But, as soon as I turned the phone back on I was stuck to it again immediately. Checking texts, Facebook and Twitter for the last two days. I think I stared at the screen for 2 whole hours and I was with friends. I missed the point here somehow.

Your smacking
makes me sad. But, sigh,
You’re so cute

{source}

I’ve had a sinus infection for the past month or so. It’s pretty much like an apocalypse on your body and soul. Because you get sick for a couple of days. Nausea, aches, chills, the works. Then you feel better and you think you’re cured. No problem. Right?

Hell no! It comes back again a few days later full force. And you think, maybe the cold is just back and you didn’t get rid of it like you thought. Wrong again! The process of feeling better than sick then better than sick over and over and over again makes you feel crazy. And then, you convince yourself you have AIDS and you think back over everyone you’ve ever been with and if they could be suspect for having AIDS. And then you get on WebMD (always a horrible idea) and look up the symptoms of AIDS and you’re convinced you have it. So you don’t go to the doctor and you keep getting sick and well and sick and well and sick and well and sick and well.

Then, one day you finally drag your sorry ass to the doctor because you just can’t take it anymore and if it is AIDS then at least you’ll know and people who have AIDS are, like, living forever these days, right?

You find out it’s a sinus infection (even though for some reason the doctor asks you if you’re pregnant a million times because you’re a girl…ass) and not AIDS.

You get 7 days worth of antibiotics and it finally goes away. Rejoice!!

School started yesterday and I’m in this class that’s an international competition. My teacher told us if the class sounds fun to us (it’s another model building class, I’m all over it), awesome and we’re going to have a great quarter. But, if it doesn’t sound fun for those people to please leave the class. He said this week was going to be our rumspringa (definition below):

A one-year period during adolescence in which Amish teens diverge from their normal traditions, experiencing modern technology and perhaps even experimenting with sex, drugs, and alcohol. At the end of Rumspringa, the Amish teenager must decide whether he or she wants to return back to his or her Amish community or remain in modern society but face shunning.

but for graphic design. If we want to be in the class, we need to get all of our crazy desires out of our system this week so we can make the decision if we want to be in this class full force or not. And that deciding to be in this class is like when the Amish kids come back to the community and decide to stay Amish and commit to the life with a vengeance as opposed to those who leave the community. He also told us that there’s a 97% return rate from rumspringa, just an interesting fact. And that when he sees those of us who come back from our personal rumpringa this week we will be fully focused on this class.

He went onto say if someone stays in the class who doesn’t want to be there and isn’t going to participate that is also fine, but he will ignore you. Then when you ask him for assistance because you’re being a lazy ass, he will just pretend you’re not there. Which is kind of great.

So yeah, this week on my design rumspringa I’m going to, like, shoot epson ink into my veins and make really ugly and crazy caffeine fueled pictures in all my adobe programs and use my exacto knife and my self healing mat to cut inappropriate shapes.

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