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I’ve made some new friends recently who are pretty conservative (not politically just in general. Maybe they are politically,too, I really have no idea. We don’t sit around and talk about those things, it’s one of the things you’re not supposed to talk about. Politics and religion, but we do discuss religion because I know them from church [yes, I’ve been going to church, it’s weird for me, too] so we don’t want to add to the weirdness by adding politics in there, although I’m pretty sure they’re Republicans. Who knows.)
So, when I accidentally throw an eff bomb into a conversation, it isn’t generally well received. I try to hold it in, they’re just fighting to get out, those eff bombs! And it’s really unnecessary for me to use that word anyway, but back to what I was saying.
We’ll all be at lunch or something and someone will say something completely innocent and then I’ll add to the conversation. And, I can hear it coming out of my mouth but I can’t take it back. I am the queen of saying innuendos, often sexual, mistakenly. I don’t even mean them that way, I mean the real meaning of the words, no innuendos, but once I realize what I’m saying I turn red and they all realize what I said and then it’s on.
It’s like every lunch I have with them. They probably think I have a horribly dirty mind. And I make it worse by immediately saying, omg I can’t believe I just said that and everyone has already heard it and then this other dude will add to it and it’s really funny and he takes it there but he whispers it so I’m the only one who hears and people think I’m the crazy one. Poo.
I don’t know about you, but I’m totally addicted to my phone. I’m constantly checking Twitter and Facebook and commenting away on every single little thing that’s going on. Like this:
Who cares that I’m ordering school books, I’ll tell you. Me. And that’s it. Because they’re expensive.
So, I decided to unplug for TWO WHOLE DAYS. No phone (because texting is out of control and it’s making my life unmanageable. FAY), no Facebook and no Twitter. I had to use my computer to complete school assignments so I couldn’t completely unplug everything. But, while on the computer, I disabled my messenger so I couldn’t get distracted by it.
I gave the people I talk to regularly the phone number for the land line and encouraged them to contact me by calling if they needed anything. Shockingly, my one friend who texts me about 100 times a day (seriously, I’m not exaggerating) didn’t call at all. I guess those messages just aren’t that important.
The weird thing is that I kept thinking of random things I needed to tweet, like “These crackers taste weird” “Chico is being bossy” “It’s freezing in here.” Stupid.
Something amazing happened. I realized I can live without my phone! OMG. I didn’t know I could. No texting, facebook, twitter, whatever and I survived. (And I didn’t get in a horrible car accident where I wasn’t able to call 911. It’s a fear of mine.) I lived even though I couldn’t constantly connect with everyone I know.
But, as soon as I turned the phone back on I was stuck to it again immediately. Checking texts, Facebook and Twitter for the last two days. I think I stared at the screen for 2 whole hours and I was with friends. I missed the point here somehow.
makes me sad. But, sigh,
You’re so cute
We don’t have any plans yet. But, just so people can see how cool and amazing we are, we made this video to trick people into inviting us to something. Because, if not we’ll be hanging out with my parents who go to bed at 9pm and will be
slowly killing myself buttering stuff with a butter knife. So.
Chico and I are back at work today. He’s currently sniffing the floor with some kind of mission and I’m really paranoid that he’s going to pee. Usually sniffing this intense leads to pee.
On another note, my phone service has been suspended due to me being in graduate school and having no money. I’m looking on the bright side: it will be nice to have a break from my phone. On the down side, I might have no idea what is going on on New Year’s Eve. The only thing more depressing than having no plans on NYE is having no plans on Christmas. For reals.
I hope you had a lovely Christmas or Winter Solstice or whatever you celebrate. Here’s a highlight from my celebration:
My family is insane about out-bowing each other on gifts. I think my mom started it and now everyone is making all of these insane bows–different types with different cool materials and it’s out of control. They will also save bows from years past (mostly my moms) so there may be bows from 5 years ago on some of these packages, but at least there is a bow, damn it!
It’s a tradition for me to put them all on my head. I tried to get out of it this year, but there was some heckling and they kept throwing the bows at me anyway, so.
This is the first official day of my break. From school. Yesterday was my first day of break from classes, but I had to work at the school, so.
I don’t know what to do with myself today. I have a list of things I need to get done (wrap all gifts, clean my room [it’s horrible in there, I think I’m going to move to the couch and pretend it’s not happening], make pasta salad, find some kind of birthday present for a friend, read a million books on type, catch up on google reader, blah, blah, blah) but I woke up with cold/flu/death yesterday. Being sick only aids my laziness, now I have a good reason to lay on the couch all day. If cleaning my room wasn’t on my list of things to get done, I might be a little more motivated to get things done, but that just eclipses everything. Even graduate school deadlines don’t encourage me to clean. I wish I were a clean freak.
I moved all of the gifts that need wrapping to the living room and have placed them strategically around the couch and I took some tylenol. I’m hoping having to step over them to leave the couch will encourage me to wrap them and put them under the tree. We’ll see how this works out. I’ll keep you updated (maybe).
Are you watching American Horror Story? If you are and you’re confused or if you are and you don’t think you’re confused but you are, I found some great articles that made me realize everyone is confused.
Have a great Friday!
I hate the new gmail. They were giving me a choice and then I closed Chrome and opened it again and bam!! New gmail. What are they thinking? Why fix something that isn’t broken? They want feedback:
so I sent them some feedback.
And they haven’t changed it back yet. What the hell Gmail?!! Don’t you care about me? I’ve been with you since the beta version. Geez.
Many years ago, my uncle mentioned The Dark Tower series by Stephen King at Thanksgiving (the only way I know it was Thanksgiving is because that’s the only time I see him). In holidays past, he discussed one of the King Arthur books (I think these are a genre, not sure), Lord of the Rings, Neil Gaiman and many other fantasy related topics with my cousins. My uncle, however, rarely speaks with me. Ever. I think my whole life we’ve had about 5 conversations, one of them being if if the eulogy I was delivering at my grandmother’s funeral was appropriate (he was moved to tears, thankyouverymuch).
I tried to read Lord of the Rings and I just hated it (don’t leave me hate comments about this, at least I tried), so I knew that was out of the picture. But, Stephen King might just work. I like Stephen King and he’d written some nerd fantasy books my uncle was in love with…score.
For FOUR YEARS, I read the series. I must admit, a conversation with my uncle wasn’t the only reason I read it. Like I said, I enjoy Stephen King and the books, for the most part, were enjoyable. I kept going, book after book, knowing that when I finished the seventh and final chapter, my uncle would have to have a conversation with me that consisted of more than, “How’s school?”
Finally, Halloween night of this year, I finished. The ending was horrible and I literally screamed out loud that I wanted four years of my life back, Stephen King, but it was done.
Five days ago, it was my day. Thanksgiving and me being done with the books was finally here. There was my uncle in his socks and sandals, like always. I sidled over to his chair and took a seat on the couch beside it. My moment had arrived.
“So,” I said. “I just finished The Dark Tower Series.”
“Yeah?” he said.
“Yes. The ending was insane. Can you believe that?”
“Oh, you didn’t like it?” he asked while sipping his sweet tea and looking at the tv. “I thought it was great. I can’t imagine it ending any other way.”
“Really?” I said. “Well, it made sense that in the first book Roland–”
He interrupted me. “Yeah.” Then he got up and walked off to say something to someone else.
Since I was about 7, I have been an asshole. Maybe since before that. Then, when I was a teenager, it just got worse. Because, when you’re about 13 or 14, you just can’t help but be one.
It has been brought to my attention lately that I’m not very approachable. Which, made me sad, but I realize some of the things I’m doing that may be interpreted as unapproachable, and I’m working on it. Change is hard, ya’ll.
I’m pretty sure part of the reason I’m unapproachable is because I have a wall of bitchiness up. I don’t mean to be bitchy, it’s just there. Things just come out of my mouth. Those things I hear myself say and while I’m saying them, I’m trying to pull them back in. Then it’s out there and gauging someone’s reaction…it’s just a big mess.
I’m better now than I was in the past about watching what I say, but still. Stuff just comes out. Sigh. Like, this one time (5 years ago), I was waiting tables and this girl from high school was at one of my tables. And she asked me if I was me and if I went to so and so high school and I said yes and told her she looked great and “Didn’t you used to be fatter?” …Seriously self? Could I have worded that any worse? She didn’t take kindly to it and ended up getting free dessert (ironic she asked for that, right?).
Anyway, my goal every day this week is to not be an asshole. To lay my head on my pillow and be proud of the person I was throughout the day. To not owe any apologies for things I said or did. If something does happen and I say the wrong thing, apologize immediately. And you know what? I’m having an excellent week.
School is back in session! As much as I enjoyed laying in my bed watching Modern Family (OMG! seriously, the best show ever) and Game of Thrones, it’s nice to have a purpose to my days again. I did make many, many, many bear ears which will soon be available.
The past few days, I’ve been embracing the town my parents’ house is in. Instead of driving into the city every day, I’m staying out here on my days off. It’s finally hit me that I’m out here to stay (at least for a while) and I need to make friends. So, I’m working on making some. It’s exciting. I’ve reconnected with old friends and have met some new, wonderful ladies.
I wonder if every one else at school is having as much fear and trepidation as I am. As I mentioned before, I have a hard time staying in the moment. I have this little voice in my head telling me I’m going to be a failure and that is horrifying!! Because once that little voice gets hold, my mind goes to, What if you’re not supposed to be at this school? What if you’re not good enough? What if you’re never good enough? You’ll never get a job and you’ll be in so much debt! You’re going to be a failure! You’re never going to have a career! You’re going to die alone and feral cats will eat your body! and on and on and on…
Huff…I feel a little stressed just writing it out, but a little better putting it out there. It doesn’t have as much power once I see it. It’s almost laughable. I need to write those things on toilet paper (like I said I was) and flush them.
Ok. Today is going to be a great day. And I’m going to do my best, and that’s all I can do, right?