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A friend of mine called me a “ray of sunshine” the other day. I can’t tell you how much this touches me and warms my heart. No one has ever, ever called me that, referred to me in any way shape or form that relates to sun or even though about associating me with positivity. Ever.

And for good reason. I’ve been a thunderstorm most of my life. Ok, all of my life. If you’re a long time reader, you’re probably already familiar with me and my ups and downs, but mostly downs. And I thought that’s how it was always going to be. Just, well, bad. Not that I have been okay with this, but that’s how it always was and I didn’t know any different. Other than a week or so here and there of feeling really good, I was just getting by. Most of the time drowning.

People in my life expect me to screw up and be a downer. And, let’s face it, no one wants to be around that. I don’t blame them. If all I’ve ever shown anyone is that I can screw up why had I expected they should anticipate anything else from me? That’s stupid. And I have been a screw up and hard to be around my whole life. But, as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t be anything else. And I tried.

So, when someone called me a ray of sunshine, it felt amazing. Because I’ve worked extremely hard the past 6 months, with a little chemical (legal) help, to change myself completely. And I have. People are constantly telling me what a difference they see in me, that I’m like a different person.

You know what it is? It’s hope. For the first time in my life, I have it. And I’ve had it for months. Sure, every day isn’t rainbows and unicorns and some days are just plain shitty, but that’s totally normal. But hope for the future. A future I’m excited about. And I see  a future for the first time. Can you imagine living your whole life without having any hope for the future? So bleak.

Basically, I feel amazing. And so thankful. There’s a song in my heart and a sparkle in my eye and joy in my life for the first time ever.

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It’s been raining here for what feels like forever (it’s been 8 days or so). We Atlantans were getting a little depressed. And by we, I mean me and some of my school and Twitter friends. We’ve been depressed and complaining about it to each other.

We’re over it!

And since I can’t seem to get to bed before 3 am (damn you youtube!) I usually look at how the sun is shining into my room to see what time it is when I open my eyes in the morning. Before 9, sleep on, after 9, get up because I assume my mom thinks I’m lazy for lying in bed for so long because she doesn’t know I stay up all night watching weird videos online. My point is, the rain has made this impossible. Especially when it’s really dark and horrible outside all day. And thundery. Boo.

As you may know, no one in Atlanta can drive. And the rain makes it worse. Imagine everyone going over 80, no blinkers, merging without looking and self-righteous driving with a thunder storm. Nightmare.

Today, my friends, the sun is shining. When I woke up, the sun was out and I thought it was after 10am, so I jumped up, but it was only 8:45. Maybe I’m not as good at sun time telling as I thought. Maybe I’m just out of practice. Today’s going to be lovely. A little vitamin D goes a long way. (Not to mention today is our only oasis from the rain. It’s storms for the rest of the week)

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As you may know, it’s been an interesting year for me and dating. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, read here, here, here and those are just these ones that have been recorded on this blog. There has been plenty more ridiculousness I haven’t cared to share.

It’s been my year of extreme dating and frankly, I’m tired. I’m tired of the assholes I’ve met that only want to get laid. It’s like they don’t even try to woo me. I mean, try to warm me up first, geez. I’m not a prostitute.

My very close friends have been encouraging me to take 6 months to a year to commit to being single and date no one. Partly because I’ve had a boyfriend on my birthday every year for the past 11 years (not all different boys, mind you)  I keep saying I’m going to commit to this break and I really mean it at the time. Then I meet someone almost immediately after making the commitment and ignore forget.

But, none of these compare to the guy I was dating for the past two months. He was a doozy. And he didn’t break up well and when I say he didn’t break up well, I mean he went insane and turned into a horrible crazy man with red bulging eyes who was possible foaming at the mouth.

Then, then sent a barrage of rageful, nasty texts, facebook messages and emails. I, of course, being the new positive me, haven’t responded to any of this and deleted his number and blocked him off my facebook. I can’t be bombarded with negativity, feel me? Haven’t really figured out how to get him out of my email other that just deleting as soon as I see it’s from him.

Anyway, this last dude was the final straw to get me to really commit to staying single until at least my birthday. I think I can make it 5 months. It will be hard because I’m starting to freak out about it after two weeks about being alone forever. But I can’t do it!

Go me!

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OMG, I made it through the quarter!  Woot!

When I woke up yesterday, I felt like I was in a nightmare–I was soooo nervous about my critique!  In my first two quarters I felt relieved on critique day, but not yesterday.  I was petrified.  But, I went to it and it went well.  I got some great constructive criticism, they didn’t absolutely hate everything I made.  I was so scared that they were going to tell me everything I created over the last 10 weeks sucked and I’m never going to be a good designer and I should quit now and then throw tomatoes at me and ruin my pretty dress.  That didn’t happen.  It was really nice.

Now, I’m on my break and I have no idea what to do with myself.  I picked up a knitting project I haven’t worked on in…I don’t know, a year?  This thing is ridiculous, ya’ll (there are pictures in the link).  I looked through almost all of my knitting books and magazines last night and was convinced I wanted to pull it all out and start a new project (my mom was all like, “You CANNOT pull this out, all this work!”).  But, after looking at hundred of pages of patterns, I decided to keep going with it.  Sigh.

Today, Chico and I are chillin’.  We’re basking in the light of our success (I consider it our success because he’s spent a lot of long nights glaring at me while I worked on projects until the wee hours of the morning).  Maybe we’ll finally get a chance to get together with those Asian Cajuns.

(the letter o provided by Daily Drop Cap)

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So…I have been in an advanced class all quarter (4 1/2 weeks so far, it’s going by so fast!) and have told several people I don’t have the basics to be in said class (like teachers and administration).  Everyone kept telling me I’d be fine.  And offering help (classmates, they’re so lovely), which I really appreciate.  But, what they were asking me to do was like asking someone who doesn’t know how to write to write an annotated academic research paper with 10 sources.  Oh, and teach yourself to write as you go along.  Eek!

I found out Monday there is an intro class going on at the same time, the class I need.  You have to walk before you can run, right?  Yesterday  was approved to escape the scary advanced class and start the intro!  Yay!  The only thing is I have to catch up on 4 weeks of work in 2 days, ahhh!

I bought the huge, intimidating book and got to work last night.  You guys (OMG), if you want to learn anything about html and css, you must get this book, it’s awesome!!

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I learned a good bit of HTML coding back in 2001 in high school (I can’t believe that was 10 years ago, I feel old).  I actually dropped out of my AP Biology class (too much work I was lazy and into partying) and transferred into wordprocessing and web design with the freshman.  One of the best decisions I ever made.  Anyway, I loved, absolutely loved making websites (hence now in school for it).

Then, a few years later, I took a class on Dreamweaver.  ‘sigh’  After that I was just confused.  Very confused.  And making ugly websites. Like, really ugly websites (example).  So I gave up.  And I thought it was just something I was into once and maybe one day I’d have time to take a class or two but I needed to focus on being the best writer I can be so I’d get into a great PhD program.

And I’m so excited to be back in action!  Yay me!

Warning: URELATED
(I hear noises, I fear there may be monsters in the basement out here in the suburbs…if you don’t hear from me later, they might’ve gotten me!)

This video is so awesome!  It’s the first video filmed by cats.  I need one for Caspian, to find out which family he is whoring himself out to most days of the week for extra food (did I mention, he’s back!!).

What do you think?  Would you want one for your kitty?  (If it’s not working for you, the link is here)

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On Monday, my car broke down.  Again.  I took it to the shop.  No worries.  Then, my scooter broke down.  They came and picked it up for a check up.  I thought, I’ll just ride my bike.  Then I realized the tires were not only flat, but had like no air in them.  And I couldn’t find a pump.  Geez.  After being stranded at my house for 3 days, my scooter was finally ready to go and so was I.  I put on a super cute outfit and hit the open road :)Have a great Friday!

It seems people in my life have a problem differentiating between a scooter and a moped.  Here is the solution.  Pictures!!

mo·ped

/ˈmoʊˌpɛd/

–noun

a motorized bicycle that has pedals in addition to a low-powered gasoline engine designed for low-speed operation.

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While a

scoot·er

/ˈskutər/

–noun
A usually two-wheeled vehicle with small wheels and a low-powered gasoline engine geared to the rear wheel.

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I hope this has been an informative lesson for all.  Hearts.

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