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Even though we had no winter down here in Georgia, it was still winter-ish (depressing and dark and bare and dead). Until this week. It’s been awesome.

You know that whole thing from Bambi about being “twitterpated?” I totally have that going on right now. For some reason, in the spring, everything is more exciting, fun, fantastic. I just want to make stuff and be outside! And touch someone. Appropriately. But maybe not. Both. Definitely both.

And Chico’s really excited.

But, you guys. There’s the pollen. We had it at a 9,000+ count the other day. My brain can’t even register how much pollen that is. It’s a yellow cloud and I’m afraid to wear white or sit on anything. I just know my chest hurts and Chico is allergic and that baby Benedryl makes him high and he’s about to be really high.

One thing about not having winter is bugs. There are bugs everywhere. According to my mom, not having a winter means that there are going to be ridiculous amounts of bugs. I tried to make a little bee to go on that flower picture, but I realized it was going to take me forever to get it how I want it and I don’t care that much so just pretend you see a bee over there. Even though bees are cool.

So, spring is awesome and it makes me want to knit (isn’t that weird?) and sew things. And just be awesome and wear dresses and look dewy and fun and reach out and kiss someone.

Anyone else?

{rose picture source, styling by me}

Have you ever fell into a song and not been able to get out?  That totally happened to me last night (and still today and probably tomorrow, too.  I jumped on the Christina Perri bandwagon and that song “Arms” is just so good.  I listened to it all the way home from school last night (about 45 minutes) and sang really loudly (appropriate adverb usage?  Not sure).  Most of her songs are about recovering from a debilitating break up (been there), but this one is about finding someone who understands and works to break down her walls (your, my?).  And I really like it and relate to it (about having the walls mostly).  I’m going to go ahead and admit that the last time I got stuck in a song it was Katy Perry’s “Hot n’ Cold” and I emailed it to this dude I was seeing.  With the line, “This is how you make me feel.”  I’m just going to let that sink in for a sec…

Yeah, so, that’s embarrassing.  But, in the 45 minutes of listening to the song and feeling sad about being single, I remembered I’m choosing to be single right now.  Trying to do the right thing for myself.  I was in a very brief relationship a couple of weeks ago.  On my birthday, I realized I haven’t been single on my birthday since I turned 15.  I’m 27.  And, that got me thinking about how I compartmentalize my life by which guy I was with at the time, like, “Oh, that happened in 20__, and I remember that because (insert generic hipster boy name) and I were sitting on the couch…”  And the guy I ended the relationship with is a great guy.  It’s simply not the next right thing for me now.  Because I need more time to learn to love myself.  I’m getting there.  I just need more time and I forget to love myself when I’m in relationships (which also needs to change).  Then I started thinking about ex’s that aren’t so bad now in hindsight and email–then I realized I needed to get it together and step away from the email.  That got me back into the song and the walls and me thinking about finding “that person” (let’s face it, it doesn’t exist, life is hard sometimes.  It isn’t always running through the field singing “The Hills Are Alive”) who will want to break down my walls and…and…

I don’t want walls that need to be broken down.  I don’t have to be broken anymore.  I feel broken, in the sense of a broken toy, you know, damaged.  I don’t want that for myself anymore.  And that’s why I need this time to be single and heal and not consider myself damaged goods (like Sylvia Plath in The Bell Jar.  Things didn’t turn out so great for her. Oven).  I’ve never allowed myself that.

So, I’m giving myself at least 6 months of being single with no, absolutely NO dating.  There is definitely a challenge ahead of me because my go to when I’m hurting is to rope some dude in (I’m laying down the lasso, haha).  I want to get some kind of jewelry symbolizing this change in me considering I’ve never done anything like this before.  And I’m excited and scared.  Maybe a rope ring or something.  Or pendant.

{photo sources: 1, 2, 3}

P.S. I would love to hear from you guys…I miss your comments

Today, I moved.  For the first time in four years.  And I had to leave behind my two beloved cats, one of whom I’ve previously referred to as my soul mate.  I’ve raised those two since they were wee babies.  But, my, now former, neighbor is going to take them.  She already bought them a 3 story cat condo and a heated bed for the porch.  So they won’t get cold.  This shit plugs into the wall.  They’re definitely in good hands.  Even so, it’s still sad.  And it’s the end of an era in my life.  Which is scary and sad and stressful, but exciting all al the same time.  I’m typing this is my new room while lying on my unmade bed, right on top of the mattress.  I’m too exhausted to go through all of my shit to find my sheets that probably need to be washed anyway.  Chico is doing nervous little circles around the bed.  I have an ass ton a lot of homework I should be doing, but I’m too tired.

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The amazing thing was, my family and friends really showed up for me today.  I called my brother in a panic and on the verge of tears earlier this week and asked him to come help me pack stuff (since I had exactly three weeks notice) because I was so overwhelmed with the thought of leaving my house and my street and my neighborhood and my kitties that I was barely able to wrap my mind around the thought of packing, but I had to.  He graciously agreed and drove through rush hour traffic on a Friday to work for 7 hours straight and help me get everything ready to move.

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Then my parents and friend came out to help.  And they did so with smiles on their faces and did what I needed done, and it was amazing.  I can hardly believe all of the wonderful people I have in my life.  My friends coming to sacrifice their Saturdays to selflessly help me and my parents coming to help me because I needed it.  It was hard work, let me tell you.  And my mom did her best not to give me a hard time about the dust.  This all lit my heart on fire with love and thankfulness and joy (not joy for moving, mind you…you know what I mean).  It was unbelievable for a person like me.  Who has spent my whole life pushing people away and isolating and feeling like an island.  But, in the past 6 months, I’ve made an effort.  With my family, my friends, but mostly with myself and the pieces have fallen into place.  It blows me away Every. Single. Day.

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This is the beginning for me.  I had to let go of all those other things first.  The ego.  Then the boyfriend.  Then the job.  Then security.  Then the house and things.  Goodness, I have soooooo many things!  Now I can embrace the future, school, new friends, new experiences, a new me :)

 

Stay tuned for the introduction of my new roommate, Roomio.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Image via Wikipedia

I watch a lot of Law & Order SVU.  Like, a lot.  Today, I was working from home and the only thing on was L & O Criminal Intent, so I had to settle for that in the background (I love you Vincent, but you’re no Mariska).  Actually, an episode I’ve never seen came on the other day and it was awesome.

One of my life dreams is to be on the show.  Obviously, for this to happen, I will have to play a rape victim, which I can do.  I feel like my skill set fits this well.  Here are my reasons

why I will be so awesome:


She's hot. And has a gun. And she's a detective. Trifecta

  1. I can overact.
  2. I can play surprised…really, really well
  3. I can lie.  All of the victims on the show end up lying in some way or another.  Seriously.  I got plenty of practice lying about where I was and what I was doing there in high school.  I’m a pro.
  4. I can play sadistic.  To see why, refer to #3 (high school was an interesting time for me, remind me to tell you about it some time)
  5. Over emotional, dude…that is totally my bag.  I overdo every emotion anyway, why not get paid for it?

I had a lot more reasons the last time I was watching an SVU marathon.  Which was Sunday.  Because, what would a Sunday afternoon be without 5 straight hours of Elliot and Liv solving murders, suspecting child molesters and throwing punches at priests?  Boring, that’s what.

I am sure you are tired of reading about Chico’s Christmas adventures…but, I’m not done begging for him to be invited.

I spoke with my mom again last night and told her Chico has been inconsolable since hearing the news and he hasn’t slept or eaten due to sadness.  She rudely told me that she already has enough dogs at her house.  What’s one more?  She won’t even notice.  Mine will be the one behaving (while he’s not sneaking off to poo, but hers poo and pee inside all the time.  They have an electric fence inside!!).

But, today is the last day of work before the holiday and I can’t be too disappointed.  I am kind of looking forward to the Christmas drama…heeheehee

PS: This is an outrage!!

Thanksgiving.  Food, family, stress.   As a child, I was quite selfish.  Quite selfish, indeed.  I claimed to hate Thanksgiving, but I think I said this because I wasn’t the center of attention.  So,  my worry of being ignored and my “hatred” of the holiday drove me to the basement to hide and time how long it took someone to find me.  Not only did I go to the basement, but I went to the unfinished part, then through a little doorway into a  secret room where the lawn mower was kept.  I then would hide behind something.  And sit.  So, even if someone came looking for me, he or she had to work for it.

My mom was always the one to notice I was gone and come looking.  She always found and encouraged me to come back upstairs and join the rest of the family.  When I said I didn’t want to, she always told me that she needed me and one relative or another was driving her crazy.  So, I went and stood near my mother.  My grandmother always came in and stole the show with some ridiculous story or another and she usually made one of my aunts cry (this aunt is waaaay too sensitive) and then my grandmother cried and my mom got angry and she and my dad went to another room to gossip about how insane the family is.

My grandmother doesn’t eat turkey, by the way.  She doesn’t cook anything that is called its name.  Like, she doesn’t serve chicken or turkey or lamb.  I don’t really know about rabbit…that is probably off the list as well.  But, she does make Ham.  Because it’s not called pig.  This is all very logical and sensical in her mind.  Anyway, on Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, my aunt (not the crier, another one) said that she was going to bring the Turkey.  She showed up…no Turkey.  Thank goodness my grandmother has that weird obsession with the names of meats and all, because she saved Thanksgiving with her ham.  And the Turkey was never mentioned.  Weird?  Yes, it is.

Part of the tradition was the day after Thanksgiving.  This is now defunct because I am finally old enough to refuse to see Santa and have no consequences.  She (my mom) forced me to participate in this tradition until I was in sixth grade.  Holy hell, sixth grade!  Besides that, we (my mom’s side of the family) spent the entire day at the mall shopping and seeing movies and getting candy and looking at Christmas decorations.  It was entirely magical.  Now, it is just the mall.  With A TON of people that need to be punched.  The magic has died.

Tomorrow, I will be taking pictures and notes of all the drama.  Because I know my aunt will cry.  And that my grandmother will say something inappropriate.  My mom will get mad and my dad will laugh and tell her to calm down which will just make her more mad.  My cousin will act arrogant and my uncle will wear socks with sandals.  And, I will be there to document every weird thing.  For posterity.  And this blog.

P.S. I totally tagged this post with “zombies”

At my new job there are dogs everywhere.  All the time.  And it is wonderful.  So, I decided to bring my dog.  Who has a whole going to the bathroom in appropriate places issue.  I thought if I watched him constantly, and made sure to take him out for a while before we went to the office, he would be fine.  I even left him in the back yard in the drizzle for like 30 minutes this morning just to make sure that he got everything out of his system.

We started off strong.  Everything was going well, people wanted to pet him, he was being really cute!  Wagging tail, running up to people…the cute doggie.

Then….as soon as I turned my back…he pooed.  He pooed on the floor in front of all the executives in less than an hour and in front of Abby and Finn, the dog Prince and Princess of the office.  This is after I sat donuts on the wrong table and Abby ate 7 and spent Friday in the vet puking.

So, I made him sleep on my desk.  And he has been sitting here off and on for the remainder of the day.  He keeps staring at me with tired eyes, but he won’t go to sleep.  People keep wanting to pet him.  I have quarantined him under my coat and am hanging out with his doggie stuffed animal.   I threatened to take him home for a little while, but we  both knew I am too lazy.

soupOn Blogher,  there is a contest to win soup.  Or, like $1,000 worth of soup.  And, I amuse my self.

Contest Rules below:

Building healthy habits now can help keep your kids healthy for life. Tell us how you help your kids for chance to win $1,000.

As a parent, we all strive to help our kids grow up healthy, happy, and confident. Share with us ways you are helping your children grow up living a healthy life.  Post your comment in the section below and you will automatically be entered to win!

I have no children, but would still like $1,000.  So, I posted this.

Healthy Eating

Well, I don’t have any kids.  But I do have cats.  And, to keep them healthy, I don’t let them eat Campbell’s.  Or vegetables.  Or any people food.  I think they would get the runs.  Cat food all the way.  They have really shiny coats.  That means that they are healthy.

Hahahahahahaha.

I was surfing the internet this morning, perfectly happy with life…then I came across the Blythe website.  I think I need this.  Like need it.  Blythe has way cooler shoes and clothing and hair than I do!  And I’m real!

The Blythe dolls are seriously creepy, but in like a cool, cute way.  Does that even make sense?  And her eyes change whoreshoescolors and one of the colors is pink, like death.  You can also buy different eye colors for Blythe which just adds to the creepiness.  A lot.

Guess what?  You can get completely ridiculous shoes for your Blythe doll that are so tacky a whore would be embarrassed to wear them.  But, I totally want them.  Guess what again?  They are $22!!  I could buy a pair of real shoes (like, for me) with that much money.  If I got a Blythe doll, I would get really obsessed with making sure that my doll had an awesome wardrobe, but it wouldn’t matter because I don’t play with dolls and Blythe isn’t real and can’t brag to the other dolls about her cool, expensive dolls clothes.  And then I won’t have any money and I will have do try to sell the doll clothes I bought, but everyone I tried to sell to would laugh at me because I spent so much on doll clothes and can’t pay my rent and I would be homeless and die. ‘sigh’  So, I don’t need a Blythe doll.  But, I want one.  No one buy me one though, seriously.  No matter how much I say I want one…I could become homeless dressbecause of this doll.  That is serious.

Look at this dress!!!  For a fucking doll!!  I need this dress!!  Question, why do those shoes cost half as much as the dress?  By the way, I also want the hair on this doll.  You can buy wigs for Blythe too.  Ridiculous…

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