You are currently browsing the monthly archive for January 2011.
Today, I moved. For the first time in four years. And I had to leave behind my two beloved cats, one of whom I’ve previously referred to as my soul mate. I’ve raised those two since they were wee babies. But, my, now former, neighbor is going to take them. She already bought them a 3 story cat condo and a heated bed for the porch. So they won’t get cold. This shit plugs into the wall. They’re definitely in good hands. Even so, it’s still sad. And it’s the end of an era in my life. Which is scary and sad and stressful, but exciting all al the same time. I’m typing this is my new room while lying on my unmade bed, right on top of the mattress. I’m too exhausted to go through all of my shit to find my sheets that probably need to be washed anyway. Chico is doing nervous little circles around the bed. I have an
ass ton a lot of homework I should be doing, but I’m too tired.
The amazing thing was, my family and friends really showed up for me today. I called my brother in a panic and on the verge of tears earlier this week and asked him to come help me pack stuff (since I had exactly three weeks notice) because I was so overwhelmed with the thought of leaving my house and my street and my neighborhood and my kitties that I was barely able to wrap my mind around the thought of packing, but I had to. He graciously agreed and drove through rush hour traffic on a Friday to work for 7 hours straight and help me get everything ready to move.
Then my parents and friend came out to help. And they did so with smiles on their faces and did what I needed done, and it was amazing. I can hardly believe all of the wonderful people I have in my life. My friends coming to sacrifice their Saturdays to selflessly help me and my parents coming to help me because I needed it. It was hard work, let me tell you. And my mom did her best not to give me a hard time about the dust. This all lit my heart on fire with love and thankfulness and joy (not joy for moving, mind you…you know what I mean). It was unbelievable for a person like me. Who has spent my whole life pushing people away and isolating and feeling like an island. But, in the past 6 months, I’ve made an effort. With my family, my friends, but mostly with myself and the pieces have fallen into place. It blows me away Every. Single. Day.
This is the beginning for me. I had to let go of all those other things first. The ego. Then the boyfriend. Then the job. Then security. Then the house and things. Goodness, I have soooooo many things! Now I can embrace the future, school, new friends, new experiences, a new me :)
Stay tuned for the introduction of my new roommate, Roomio.
My lovely blogging friend, Jenny from The Bloggess, wrote an awesome post yesterday about mental illness and coming out about it (taking a cue from Michael Kimber, who made this incredible video and if you know anyone who suffers from mental illness, you suffer from mental illness or if you’re just a human being, you need to watch it
just do it!!!
Phew, wow, that was a lot of linkage.
This is all fitting because I’ve been
whining complaining bitching telling you about how I’ve been feeling really fat. The thing is, I’ve been exercising on a regular basis for the first time in my life (at least in a healthy way). And eating a healthy diet. Doing these things and continuing to gain weight I’ve started to beat myself up and feel hopeless. Fortunately, I was talking to a friend the other day about a medication she’s on that I’m on and how she stopped taking it and lost weight. So, it finally hit me that maybe it’s the medication and not me. I called my doctor and he confirmed that yes, indeed it is the medication! Joy!! This is the second time he’s prescribed me a medication that has made me gain weight. I’m a recovering anorexic (one of those things you’re always “recovering” from), it is never acceptable to give me meds that make me gain weight.
Anyway. Watch the video, it’s long but worth it. It made me tear up because I can relate soooooo much. Share it with your friends and family who suffer! We don’t have to suffer in silence anymore, it’s a great thing!
P.S.–There is a wonderful organization To Write Love on Her Arms that is near and dear to my heart. They work to prevent self harm and suicide. You can support them by going to their website or by clicking the banner on my sidebar (keep scrolling)
Hi there! Happy Monday (which is kind of an oxymoron, no?)
I woke up this morning and immediately started throwing up. Let me tell you, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat a brussels sprout, cheese or a veggie hotdog again (my diet tries to be healthy). Since this is the fourth time I’ve been sick since Thanksgiving and the 2nd time this month, I decided a visit to the doctor was a good idea.
Ugh. I hate going to doctor. They confronted me about an outstanding charge I never received a letter about as soon as I walked in. Way to kick my while I’m down,
assholes. I pointed out they had run the wrong insurance. Ha! She was so superior and then I shut. Her. Down. (In a nice way, of course).
After the doctor asked me if I’m sure I’m not pregnant (I freakin’ hate that!! Geez, can’t a girl just feel nauseous without talking about sex?) she informed me I have had a long running sinus infection and it has lowered my immune system’s defenses. And then she prescribed me a ton of medication. And told me to go home, put my pjs on and wait until Wednesday to wreak havoc on my classmates’ immune systems. Done!
The problem is, I’m moving. Malibu Ken just got divorced and has been replaced by his ex-wife, Puppy Party Skipper. Who is a nightmare (for me). And she only gave me three weeks notice to be out of the house I’ve loved and lived in for 4 years. I’m a little stressed. Now, I’m too sick to pack. Ugh!
I went to the pharmacy and ended up spending $100 dollars on medications that I didn’t budget for when I was getting my loan. $100?!! Why do I even have insurance? The most expensive plan? It’s supposed to make this stuff better.
So, I’m at home chilling and working on homework. I plan to nap soon.
What an exciting Monday!
P.S.–I think Chico’s broken
Since I’ve become less angry, I am finding I have less things to blog about. Not to mention, school started and Snowpocalypse happened. So, Shit I Wore (aka: SIW) is going to replace my 365 Project and will hopefully get me thinking about writing. I have lost interest in the 365 and I’ve been getting really stressed out about all the pictures I need to post from the last 2 weeks and it’s just not worth being stressed over. I love getting dressed, and I love fashion and make up and how these things let me express myself. So, I’m going to share.
Before you see these pics, let me preface by saying that they’re really bad. They didn’t turn out how I wanted at all, but I tried, so I’m going to put them up. Also, I feel like I look really fat in them. No, I promise I’m not just saying this to get sympathy, I feel like I look fat. Honesty, it’s what’s for dinner.
Apparently, I forgot how to pose for pictures because I ended up looking angry and constipated. Hey, it happens. I’ll get better.
This girl came up to me at school today and said, “Where do you get your haircut?!! I love it!” and I thought, “This girl must be drunk” because, you see, I’m growing my hair out and it’s in this really strange in between being really short and being a chin length cut. Then she went on to tell me, “I tried to get my haircut like that last week and they wouldn’t do it at the salon I went to” which I thought was curious. Why would a business refuse money? Well, “I love the Cora cut. Your hair is just like hers.” Cora? I thought to myself. Coraline? “Cora?” I asked. “Oh,” she said, rolling her eyes and answering knowingly, “from Tron.” I guess my bad hair is from Tron. Since I’m the only person I know who has seen that movie, I will go ahead and tell you that while watching it, I kept thinking that if I were the actress, I wouldn’t have let them cut my hair like that. I’m not sure if I’m flattered or insulted yet.
While I was taking the pictures for this, I remembered I never followed up with pictures of my tattoo. So, here they are.
Sweater: Calvin Klein
Jeans: Calvin Klein
Have a great weekend!
The other day I was having a conversation with someone. It went a little something like this:
me: How are things, blah, blah, blah, did you get all of your school supplies yet?
him: Oh yeah, I got most of them for free. Yeah, go me.
me: (raising an eyebrow) Oh, really…that’s pretty awesome. (secretly jealous he has friends who went to the same school years earlier and still have all of their supplies)
him: Yeah, I stole them.
me: (shocked stare)…Did you say you stole them?
him: (chuckle) Yeah.
me: As in shoplifted?!
him: Yeah. I mean, I need that stuff. I don’t have money. So I went and took it.
me: …the fuck, are you kidding me?
him: No way. I took it and now it’s mine.
me: This might not work out.
I didn’t think real people shoplifted after the age of 16. I never did it when I was 16, but I knew a lot of people who did. And homeless people. I hear homeless people shoplift. But I don’t know any of them. And I certainly never met any 20 somethings who seem completely (that’s a lie) normal who do it. Geez…
In case you didn’t know, it snowed in Atlanta Sunday night. Then again yesterday, along with sleet and now we’re all trapped in our houses. The roads are ice sheets. It’s funny that the whole city is shut down. Literally. I ventured out yesterday (I knew I would be crazy if I sat in the house alone all day) and walked about 3 miles to a coffee shop in another neighborhood. Like a good blogger, I took plenty of pictures.
(please bear with my pictures as I get used to my mac)
Then, today, I woke up feeling less than great, but I just thought that was due to the boredom and feeling shitty about sleeping late. I’ve been up for 3 hours now and I have a fever. So, I’m going to take a nap, with the help of some Nyquil and hope that I feel better. I can’t afford to be sick right now!
I have yet to get into a snowball fight and am hoping I feel good enough to partake later tonight :)
This week I started art school and it’s been crazy. The first assignment in my first class was pretty intense. She told us that the assignment isn’t an excuse to not sleep all week, it’s that much work. I got it done, though.
Art school is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. No one cares that I am a writer or that I went to school for writing. We’re not doing any writing and we’re not even thinking about doing anything that has to do with writing. Which is cool, but very weird for me.
I’ve met a lot of new, awesome people. My schedule is crazy and new and I’m adjusting. I hate change. So, having a different schedule psychs me out a little, but I know it’ll be ok :)
I feel like I need a warning label. These people aren’t used to me and my craziness. WARNING: Explosive material inside!
It’s a new day!
Day 107- Christmas! It’s become a tradition that I wrap my head in bows every year. And then I wore this out with friends…yes, I wore it out. It was awesome. My friends told me they prefer me with the bows, not sure how to take that.
Day 108–He’s sleeping, shhh! Christmas excitement tired him out for days!
Day 109–My neighbors’ crazy lights. The one with the blue and orange will have theirs up until April.
Day 110–At a trucker karaoke bar. It was intensely redneck.
Day 112–Grocery shopping. Yes, this is a real thing. I just had to have a picture.
Day 113–Miss Aravis stalking Chico. They’re ridiculous.
Day 114–Hanging out with some lovely friends. This nice tree was up at a place in the Village.
Day 115–Me and Chico playing with the new computer’s camera. It’s awesome
Day 116–First day of school. Our IT dude gave a speech and I think he was just trying to scare us. Unnecessary. OMG, I’m so overwhelmed. I’m doing a little sitting and crying.
Remember last year when I did this? I wanted to participate this year again and I totally planned to. I took all of my pictures in the morning and throughout the day. Then I got to the party with my camera. That’s where the trouble started. I set up my camera, got out my remote and we had a blast. Instead of showing you pictures of the whole day, here is a little video (don’t worry, it goes fast) with a lovely song. We took so many, the pictures tell a story. It turned out really nice.
Starring me, Cupcake, Sassy, Tiny Dancer and the lovely Yogi.
Check here for all the other participants!
2010 was an interesting year for me. Very interesting. Definitely the most life changing year I’ve ever had and definitely the best year. Despite losing almost everything that I thought was really important, I’ve never been happier. Life couldn’t be better. Chico’s father walked out on us, but I needed it. We weren’t good together. I lost my job, but if that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t be going back to school. Which I need to do. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.
This year, I also stopped being angry. Because of this, I lost a lot of my readership, which, was hard at first. I felt like I was doing so much great stuff and changing so much and there were less readers. But, I’m slowly getting it back. If I never get as many readers, it’ll be ok. I feel at peace with myself and the world. I don’t need to write about my anger anymore. I don’t need to feel so outraged. I realized I’m not being victimized by the world. Everything just is.
I was driving earlier this week, and I was overcome with serenity. “I love my life,” I thought. Then I realized I’ve never, really, seriously thought that and totally meant it before. In 2010, the lights in my mind were turned on. Every day I work on myself a little more and the lights get a little brighter.
Here’s to an equally, if not more magical 2011. I can’t wait.
(Oh, and guess what?! My room is clean, can you believe it?)